A West Midlands woman who took her own life at a controversial Swiss clinic did not tell her 87-year-old mother, who suffers from dementia, about her plans.
Wendy Duffy, 56, a healthy mother whose only child Marcus died four years ago, ended her life at the Pegasos Clinic on April 24. She had planned the assisted suicide for a year, paying £10,000 to the clinic, writing letters to loved ones, choosing a deathbed outfit, and picking the music that would be the last thing she heard.
News of her death emerged as the Assisted Dying Bill officially ran out of time on Friday. The House of Lords had raised more than 1,200 amendments to delay the historic bill approved by MPs last June, The Mirror reports.
Online strangers hearing the news had pleaded with Wendy to change her mind in direct messages and posts on Facebook. But her family told the Mirror that “nothing was going to stop her” and she “was determined and strong-minded.”
They said she could no longer live with the loss of her only child: “It is something she wanted and we couldn’t stop her.” Her sister-in-law Paula Duffy told the Daily Mirror: “It is very sad for the whole family, very upsetting.”
Speaking shortly before Pegasos announced her passing, Paula said: “It is something she wanted to do and we couldn’t stop her. She never got back to herself after the death of her son and she didn’t want to carry on. She was very strong willed and if she has something on her mind no one could change it.”
Wendy, from the West Midlands, travelled to the clinic alone and died peacefully on Friday morning wearing one of son Marcus’ T-shirts because, she said, “it still smells of him” – and listening to Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars’ song “Die With A Smile.”
She had told her two brothers and four sisters about her assisted dying but not her mother. Paula, who is married to her brother Stephen and last saw her a month ago, told how their widowed 87-year-old mother remained unaware. She said: “Her mum has dementia, she still lives at home but Wendy didn’t want to tell her. She is not aware.”
Wendy – who had split from her son’s father – is believed to have visited her mum to say a final goodbye before travelling to Switzerland. Her father has passed away. She was in good health and considered sound of mind before she died.
In an interview with the Daily Mail this week, she said the decision to take her own life had been a “happy” one because her “spirit can be free.” She said: “It will be hard for everyone. But I want to die. I’ll have a smile on my face when I do, so please be happy for me. My life, my choice.” She added: “I wish this was available in the UK, then I wouldn’t have to go to Switzerland at all.”
Wendy lost her only child, Marcus, 23, in tragic circumstances four years ago. He had choked on a tomato that became lodged in his windpipe while eating a sandwich, starving his brain of oxygen. Marcus’s death, together with the fact that medically trained Wendy tried to perform CPR on him herself, has haunted her ever since. She said she had already tried to take her own life. Wendy said her “beautiful boy” would have understood her decision to finally join him.
In poignant social media posts, she wrote about her love for Marcus, whom she described as “the best” and who “lived life with zest.” In one she penned: “I know we’ll be reunited on a future day.”
Paula said the wait to find out if the suicide had gone ahead was “agonising” for the family, particularly her husband, who was “very close” to his sister and was too upset to speak. She said: “It is really raw, and just so very sad.”
Her ashes are due to be flown back to the UK and scattered at a memorial bench for her son. Paula said her sister-in-law had gone to Switzerland alone. She said: “I haven’t got a clue where she got the £10,000 from but she was always very resourceful.” She declined to say if she and the family believed in the right of a healthy person to choose the right to die, only saying: “I believe in assisted dying if there is a terminal illness.” She reiterated: “Wendy was not herself after Marcus passed. She was the same. May she rest in peace.”
Ruedi Habegger, Pegasos founder, said: “I can confirm that Wendy Duffy, at her own request, was assisted to die on April 24 and that the procedure was completed without incident and in full compliance with her wishes. I can also confirm that neither we nor any of the professional staff assessing her mental capacity had any doubt as to her intention, understanding and independence of both thought and action. In historical terms at English law, hers was a case of ‘sane suicide’.”
Wendy did not inform her family of the timescale for her travel and procedure for their own protection – if anyone travelled with her or assisted her suicide in any way, they would risk police investigation and possible prosecution in the UK.
Wendy told on her own Facebook how she would spend most days visiting her son’s bench in a local park. She described the day he died as “truly awful” and explained how she felt “helpless.” In a poem she said: “Attempts were made to keep you, but that was not meant to be, so I had to sit by, until you were taken from me. It’s been a painful struggle, getting through each day, trying to keep busy, in every single way. I now know you’re still near me, I talk to you each night, you send me some lovely memories, even though you’re out of sight. I kiss your bench each morning, when walking up the park, the birds will come and join me, even though it’s still dark. Love you Markie my baby, love you Markie my son, one day we’ll be reunited, and continue laughing and having fun.”
In a tribute left in January last year, she wrote: “Three years ago you left me, a day I’ll not forget. It all happened so quickly, but one thing I don’t regret. My son for such a short time, a son you were the best, a son so kind and funny, a son who lived life with zest. A son who loved animals, a son who loved to sing, a son with such a humour, joy and laughter he would bring. A son who loved McDonald’s and KFC too. If he saw someone down on their luck he’d buy one for them too. A son who had lots of friends, he really loved them all. Hey love you Bro is what he’d say whenever they did call. Now life is so so quiet without you by my side. My love for you just the same, a love I cannot hide. I visit your bench each morning and always bring you flowers. People I chat with on your bench can sometimes last for hours. So many people speak to you as they pass by your bench in the park. A lot in daylight hours but also when it’s dark. I know that you’re still with me even though you don’t come into view, but I get lots of signs saying ‘I’m here still with you.’ I’ll just keep walking forward no matter come what may, and know we’ll be reunited on a future day.”
