The festive season, often painted as a time of unbridled joy, can present a uniquely difficult challenge for those navigating the loss of a loved one. The pressure to be merry can feel overwhelming, turning simple preparations into emotionally exhausting tasks.
Practical strategies for a gentler festive season
To offer support, we spoke with Sharon Jenkins, a bereavement counsellor at the charity Marie Curie. She provides actionable advice for honouring your feelings while finding a way through the Christmas period.
Jenkins emphasises the importance of flexibility. "Whatever your plan is for how you're going to do Christmas, have a plan B because you don't know how you're going to feel on the day," she advises. This could mean having an alternative to a big family dinner or opting for online shopping if facing festive supermarket displays feels too painful.
Honouring emotions and adapting traditions
A key piece of guidance is to avoid suppressing feelings. Jenkins uses a powerful analogy: holding in emotions is like shaking a bottle of fizzy drink, leading to an eventual explosion. Instead, she recommends allowing moments to talk or cry, letting pressure out gradually.
It is also perfectly acceptable to reassess festive customs. "Think about what special traditions you want to take forward, but also about what new traditions you might want to make," suggests Jenkins. The goal is to keep elements that bring comfort and good memories while possibly introducing new, more manageable rituals that still honour the person who has died.
The importance of self-care and professional support
Amid the festive rush, scheduling personal time is crucial. Jenkins points to Marie Curie's self-care guidance, which encourages taking just a few minutes to enjoy a cup of tea or listen to a favourite song. "Remember that you can't pour from an empty cup," she warns, highlighting that self-care is not selfish but necessary.
She also advises being mindful of alcohol consumption, as it can worsen low moods and interact poorly with medications like antidepressants. Furthermore, Jenkins notes that sometimes speaking to a professional can be easier than talking to family or friends. "At Marie Curie, we have a support line and a counselling service that are available for anyone who needs it," she explains.
The charity's free Support Line (0800 090 2309) remains open throughout the Christmas period, offering a listening ear to anyone affected by dying, death, or bereavement.
