Letter to My 19-Year-Old Self Brought Tears and Perspective Shift
I discovered a letter I wrote to my future self at age 19, and it left me in tears. I have regularly written letters to myself over the years, but this one profoundly changed my perspective on life and personal growth.
A Six-Year Tradition of Self-Reflection
For six years, I have been using the online letter service FutureMe to write letters to myself, with April 8 serving as a recurring date that takes me back to memories from age 16. At 16, I had just finished my GCSEs and decided to streak my dark hair with blonde highlights, a look my mum still reminds me was not my finest. She was correct, as mums usually are, but much has changed since my school days.
One letter that arrived in my inbox this morning proved just how much I have evolved, ultimately bringing me to tears. Sitting at my desk preparing for a busy day, I tapped away on my laptop before spotting a notification flash on my phone. My heart jumped as I opened an email I had written to myself exactly three years ago, while I was still a university student.
Looking Back at Age 19
Looking at myself at age 19, I can safely say I was in an entirely different place compared to who I am today. I was studying at Durham University, an incredibly anxious teenager, and hilariously, I managed to guess exactly what my future career would be without having a clue. The letter read: "What job have you got? Something in writing?? In TV? I don’t know what are you doing Hannah? Social media lmao?"
She was kind of correct. The world does thrive off social media, and I contribute both as a journalist and in my personal life. Among other things, it is clear that in my second year of university, I was still completely submerged in drama and the bubble of high school and university, which feels like a million years ago now.
Emotional Realizations and Growth
Asking myself if I still speak to my school and university friends, I also inquired whether I had any "new besties." Gratefully, there are dozens of people in my life now who have showered me with more friendship and kindness than I could have imagined. However, as someone who is still growing into myself, I could feel my anxiety through the screen. I could sense being 19 and critiquing my appearance and actions with a deep-seated insecurity that I can still feel in my chest.
There was a certain sadness to the letter that transcended the proud emotions I feel about my growth from this aspect. Reading it as words makes me realize I have always been far too quick to judge myself when I would not dream of doing that to anyone else. I am now two months from my 23rd birthday, and you can be sure I will be writing myself another letter to see what I am up to in three years time.
But as 19-year-old me wrote, "I'll be in my mid-20s ew," so I can only wait to see what 25 and 10 months brings me in 2029.
The Letter from My 19-Year-Old Self
Dear FutureMe,
Hello hello again,
You did all those things you wanted to do. No, you did not get into your top choice of uni, but who cares, you went to Durham and you have had some tough moments, but you made some pretty cool friends.
Also, you DID get a cartilage piercing AND a nose piercing AND another cartilage one AND a conch. So there.
Do you still speak to your university friends? Have you made any new besties? Gosh, I was nearly a dancing queen there, and when I come back to look at this, I will be in my mid-20s, ew.
And also, you complete weirdo, yes, you are a size 10. What did we get in our degree? I would love a first, but I feel the chances getting slimmer even now. I am not going to be negative, so ‘I have a first.’
What job have you got? Something in writing?? In TV? I do not know what are you doing Hannah? Social media lmao? I do not care as long as you are happy and healthy. I hope you still have mum and dad’s love, and I hope you still think of gran every day and appreciate the sacrifices and love your family have given to you.
Love ya future Hannah, hope you are still loving yourself. Do not be too anxious, you got this.
19 years and 10 months Hannah ;)
